Jamie Ann's Site

I was in the shower yesterday and I was thinking about something that happened when I was 10 years old that made a big difference in my life.  I don't really know

Well time went on and one weekend we were having a meeting at a hotel in Henderson because everyone from Kentucky had come to NC and we didn't have enough room in our meeting building.  I remember Cris was staying with us, but she was going to have to leave the Sunday meeting early because she had to go to a convention or something.  I remember many people asking her not to leave early and to just wait until the meeting was over, but she said she had to go.  I even remember as a 10 year old child lying in the bed that Saturday night before she was to leave early praying that she wouldn't leave because somehow I knew that she wouldn't be to too many more meetings after that one.  Well, Sunday morning came and she did leave early and I was sad because I knew what that meant because of the feelings I had had when I prayed the night before.  I may be missing meetings in here, but the next one I remember was the meeting where she brought someone new and she was so excited to introduce me to him.  (I didn't not know his name because really I just didn't want to commit it to memory and if truth be known I just plain didn't like him because I knew he would be the reason she left the meetings - remember I was 10 at the time and somehow I knew all of this.)  I was polite and I said, "Hi," but inside I wasn't happy I was hurt.  Well time went on and eventually she stopped coming to the meetings and I was hurt, but I just went on with my life because I didn't know what else to do.  I knew that I couldn't just sit around missing her. 

Now I am going to fast forward a little bit...

As I went on and began to grow up I started spending more time with the kids and when the Old Testament class started (my freshman year in college) I began to "babysit" two of the little girls and I realized that I was becoming part of their life and they would remember me.  I remember one specific time right at the beginning of my sophomore year in college (I think it was around September) I was lying in my bed trying to fall asleep and I just prayed that I wouldn't hurt the kids like I had been hurt.  I prayed that God would help me so that I would stick around no matter what because I didn't want any of the kids to go through what I had gone through.  After praying that I just drifted off to sleep.  I had no idea what would be happening 5 months later. 

5 months later...

February 1, 2003 is a day that I won't forget.  I remember sitting at home watching the news that morning when our phone rang and my dad answered it, I would have never guessed what he was going to say when he got off the phone (although because of recent events - Tracey coming and receiving the holy ghost - I had hoped it would happen).  He hung up the phone and told us the news I had been waiting for a long time to hear, he told us that Cris was going to be in the meeting that night and I was SO EXCITED.  I can't even really put into words how I felt.  I was literally beside myself!  I asked my dad if he thought the kids would be allowed to come to the Old Testament class (because they weren't usually allowed) and he said he thought it would be okay because he could tell that I didn't want to miss this.  I remember walking in and being a little shy, but going up to Cris to say "Hi!"  I didn't know if she would remember me at all, but I just had to say something.  She turned around and said "Hey" then asked me if I remembered Haskell (and I made a point to remember his name that night) and I told her vaguely.  Then she told him who I was and reminded him of a picture she had of my sister and I from the time we went to the lake.  I was so excited that she remembered me and just happy in general that she was there.  I really couldn't have imagined what else was going to happy that night.  I remember that Cris went up for prayer and I was just about right on her feet (well pretty close) I even left the girls playing in the back because I wanted to be right there.  I also remember Haskell coming up behind her and praying with her.  I don't remember exactly when Haskell got the holy ghost, but I could feel it.  The feelings that night were so sweet!  There is a picture of Cris hugging Pastor John and Haskell standing there too with his hands in the air praising God.  I mention that because I remember sitting across the room that night on the floor beside Amy P. and she leaned over to me and said, "Isn't God good?" or "That sure is sweet."  I remember smiling and nodding, but I knew she had no idea how I felt inside!    (That's the best I can do, but it felt much better than that!)  A few nights later I was back at school and I ended up talking to Amy on Instant Messenger and while we were talking she asked me, "Did know Cris?" or something similar to that and I replied, "Yes, and I looked up to her so much." 

March 13, 2004

Quite a few of us were in Kentucky this weekend for a meeting.  I was staying with Sarah and Cris and Haskell were staying upstairs with Tony and Margo.  Sarah and I decided to go up and visit Tony, Margo, Cris and Haskell.  We were upstairs talking and Cris and Haskell were talking about how they met or something and him coming to a meeting.  Well things came around to where I told Cris about all that I had gone through with her leaving and how I had felt when she came back and it just felt so good to tell her, it  was like I had just released those feelings and I didn't have to hold them in anymore.  I remember we stood there in the middle of the floor crying and hugging.    Then about a month later during a Wednesday night meeting we had one of those meetings where everyone is just hugging.  I remember sitting there and Aunt Ellen came over and hugged me for a while, then I knew that I had to go hug Haskell and I did and it just felt like the whole situation was complete whatever had been left in my heart to be settled was settled after that night.

I learned some things from this experience.  One thing is that I've always remembered how I felt as a child and because of that I feel like it has helped me to stay close to the Lord so that I wouldn't hurt anyone, even the children that I looked up to me.  I also learned that Jesus really can heal your heart.  I mean I knew it, but there's nothing like your own experience.  He cares about how we feel and he wants us to be happy, but he will also put us through things to keep us.  I am thankful for this experience and I am even more thankful to have Cris and Haskell (and Hope and Daniel) in my life.  Only Jesus can do it!